Is a necessary evil. Hopefully you two will be math whizzes and won't have to take this class past high school. Or you'll love it; if so, you will not have inherited that trait from me :).
I love you both...and will now set a good example by continuing with my homework.
Word of the day--Googleplex.
The girlies
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Just a month, Mom :/
Babies....
You were only supposed to be gone from me for a month.
Tonight is a year since the last night I had you in your beds. We got up early on the 29th, ate peanut butter waffles for breakfast, and cuddled...then the next thing I knew, your Aunt Wendy showed up at the house was suddenly here to pick you up and take you away.
What would I have done differently if I had known ahead of time that you were going away--especially for this long? I wouldn't have slept at all that night..I would have just looked at you all night. Would you have been gone at all if your parents had told me ahead of time?
NO.
<3 <3.
You were only supposed to be gone from me for a month.
Tonight is a year since the last night I had you in your beds. We got up early on the 29th, ate peanut butter waffles for breakfast, and cuddled...then the next thing I knew, your Aunt Wendy showed up at the house was suddenly here to pick you up and take you away.
What would I have done differently if I had known ahead of time that you were going away--especially for this long? I wouldn't have slept at all that night..I would have just looked at you all night. Would you have been gone at all if your parents had told me ahead of time?
NO.
<3 <3.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Where are you?
So sad today, girls.
I know that you will be adults if and when you read this, so I'm going to discuss what's happened openly.
I drove to Modesto yesterday with your Christmas presents, a photo scrapbook of our family, and a letter for Uncle Kevin and Aunt Wendy. In the letter was my ownership of the enabling that I did with Scott and Sarah, my apology for putting Wendy and Kevin in the position that they are in, a thank you for taking care of you two, and all of the things that I have done to myself to make myself deserving of getting to hug you both.
I held Scott responsible for his actions and told him that I would drive him to any inpatient rehab so that he could clean up and take parenting classes...same with Sarah. I told him that was the only help we would give him and that I knew that he can do it, he just has to start.
I planned to let Aunt Wendy know that I will do anything to get to keep contact with you two, and that everyone loves and misses you so much...all of your grandparents, your Papa and I, your aunts and cousins...we are a healthy loving family that is dying to include you two. I brought the cell phone that I bought for you so that she can use it and keep her number private...I was excited about you two coming home and finding a big box of presents.
But you weren't there. A new family was there, and now I don't know where my babies are. I love you two so much...not knowing where you are is killing me. Your mommy loves you too...but Papa and I were your sober parents. I love you two as if you were my own, and anyone who wants to say that your Nana shouldn't feel like your mama can kiss my ass. I did everything Aunt Wendy required of your parents and that they didn't do....and will continue to keep Papa's and my home drug and drama free and safe for you.
Papa is going to talk to Scott's parents and tell them all of this and see if they will get your presents and photo book to you, maybe mediate so we can arrange to see you. I hope they cooperate with us. At this time, Scott is back in jail and Sarah is living in Coarsegold and dealing with her issues. I am just here waiting until the day God decides I have a role in your lives.
I can't wait.
Word of the day--Hope.
I know that you will be adults if and when you read this, so I'm going to discuss what's happened openly.
I drove to Modesto yesterday with your Christmas presents, a photo scrapbook of our family, and a letter for Uncle Kevin and Aunt Wendy. In the letter was my ownership of the enabling that I did with Scott and Sarah, my apology for putting Wendy and Kevin in the position that they are in, a thank you for taking care of you two, and all of the things that I have done to myself to make myself deserving of getting to hug you both.
I held Scott responsible for his actions and told him that I would drive him to any inpatient rehab so that he could clean up and take parenting classes...same with Sarah. I told him that was the only help we would give him and that I knew that he can do it, he just has to start.
I planned to let Aunt Wendy know that I will do anything to get to keep contact with you two, and that everyone loves and misses you so much...all of your grandparents, your Papa and I, your aunts and cousins...we are a healthy loving family that is dying to include you two. I brought the cell phone that I bought for you so that she can use it and keep her number private...I was excited about you two coming home and finding a big box of presents.
But you weren't there. A new family was there, and now I don't know where my babies are. I love you two so much...not knowing where you are is killing me. Your mommy loves you too...but Papa and I were your sober parents. I love you two as if you were my own, and anyone who wants to say that your Nana shouldn't feel like your mama can kiss my ass. I did everything Aunt Wendy required of your parents and that they didn't do....and will continue to keep Papa's and my home drug and drama free and safe for you.
Papa is going to talk to Scott's parents and tell them all of this and see if they will get your presents and photo book to you, maybe mediate so we can arrange to see you. I hope they cooperate with us. At this time, Scott is back in jail and Sarah is living in Coarsegold and dealing with her issues. I am just here waiting until the day God decides I have a role in your lives.
I can't wait.
Word of the day--Hope.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
An apology.
Little ones--
You two have been on my mind all day today, as you are every day. Oh, such a gift you are.
All of the days that you lived here, oh my goodness those were such special days. This is what I want to tell you today....I wish that your Papa and I could have kept you safe. We trusted Sarah and Scott to do that while we were working to keep a roof over your heads, and sometimes I feel that we failed you. I'm so sorry for that.
Papa is working on approaching your aunt and uncle to let them know that we are not going to let your Papa Two and Gigi, or your aunts and uncles, and your cousins miss you any longer than they have. There is so much love from your family waiting for you. I love your Mommy, but she and your Daddy are making decisions for themselves that are tearing us away from you and that is unacceptable. You two make me so happy; I hope I get to hold you soon.
You two have been on my mind all day today, as you are every day. Oh, such a gift you are.
All of the days that you lived here, oh my goodness those were such special days. This is what I want to tell you today....I wish that your Papa and I could have kept you safe. We trusted Sarah and Scott to do that while we were working to keep a roof over your heads, and sometimes I feel that we failed you. I'm so sorry for that.
Papa is working on approaching your aunt and uncle to let them know that we are not going to let your Papa Two and Gigi, or your aunts and uncles, and your cousins miss you any longer than they have. There is so much love from your family waiting for you. I love your Mommy, but she and your Daddy are making decisions for themselves that are tearing us away from you and that is unacceptable. You two make me so happy; I hope I get to hold you soon.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Nana has a new nose.
Hi, girlies...
So, I no longer have this bump on the side of my nose that you may or may not see in pictures. Now it may be a dimple instead. Dimples are cute, but not as cute as you. <3....
Word of the day--courage.
Love,
Nana
So, I no longer have this bump on the side of my nose that you may or may not see in pictures. Now it may be a dimple instead. Dimples are cute, but not as cute as you. <3....
Word of the day--courage.
Love,
Nana
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sad.
"Nothing comes to be, simply because someone declares it so".
Hopefully you girls will never have to read this, because it's really meant for you to have if I don't get to have you back it our lives. Alyssa, you were on my mind especially much last night...you have been Nana's girl and were even calling me "Nana-Mama" just a year ago. It's you I worry about the most..Laila, you are so young. Wendy and Kevin are the only parents you really know right now. I miss you as much as I miss your sister, you know that. But Liss, you remember me and Papa, I know you do. All I heard in my head last night was you asking me when you could go home. Honey, I'm trying. I really am.
So, all of the Christmas decorations are down. I have your stockings and your ornaments put carefully aside and I hope next year you two will be able to hang them.
Hopefully you girls will never have to read this, because it's really meant for you to have if I don't get to have you back it our lives. Alyssa, you were on my mind especially much last night...you have been Nana's girl and were even calling me "Nana-Mama" just a year ago. It's you I worry about the most..Laila, you are so young. Wendy and Kevin are the only parents you really know right now. I miss you as much as I miss your sister, you know that. But Liss, you remember me and Papa, I know you do. All I heard in my head last night was you asking me when you could go home. Honey, I'm trying. I really am.
So, all of the Christmas decorations are down. I have your stockings and your ornaments put carefully aside and I hope next year you two will be able to hang them.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year!!
2012.
Papa and I are watching football; and I am looking at the Christmas tree and thinking about taking it down. Probably tomorrow, though. It still smells good. The Seahawks game isn't on TV, so Papa isn't shouting at his team.
It's so sunny outside, and warm....hopefully it is there for you two as well.
<3.
Word of the day--Bon Jovi.
Papa and I are watching football; and I am looking at the Christmas tree and thinking about taking it down. Probably tomorrow, though. It still smells good. The Seahawks game isn't on TV, so Papa isn't shouting at his team.
It's so sunny outside, and warm....hopefully it is there for you two as well.
<3.
Word of the day--Bon Jovi.
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